From Offended to Good News

“You look tired. We are going to end this call in twenty minutes.” That’s how my zoom call started with a friend of a friend. We had connected because I was looking for some help with our search for a donor development director and setting the overall direction for our development efforts at Rebuilt.  (by the way, the role is still open and we are actively interviewing at the time of this posting... if you know of anyone!  rebuiltparish.com/team)

I was taken aback by my interlocuter’s question and said something about it being the end of the day and in a busy Fall season. I then took it as a challenge and determined to not be tired and summon all my energy for the call. But then it got stranger. He asked why I wanted to talk and I mentioned that I was looking for his insights on our development strategy and finding a good development person.

He responded, “I don’t give advice unless I get paid and my days of ‘can I pick your brain’ conversations are over.” At this I kind of laughed at the hubris and brutal honesty. He kept talking. He talked a lot for wanting a short call. In the course of it, he insulted the name of our organization, Rebuilt Parish. He then mentioned an e-mail he had sent about his family’s annual tradition of pumpkin picking and doing an audit. That if I wanted his help I would pay for the audit. Still trying to get something from the call and learn, I said, “Well, what would an audit look like?”

He scoffed. “You don’t know what an audit is?” Then he fired off a bunch of questions. By this time I was ready to end the call, so when he was finished I thanked him for his time and ended it. However, the call stuck with me and bugged me. The belittling hung on me. I kept thinking of a line from Brad Pitt in the movie True Romance, “Don’t condescend me, man.”

In Church-work, we will have experience in which people treat us poorly and we will be tempted to hold onto the offense. Offenses are inevitable when you work with the public and deal with people all the time.

Here’s what is absolutely crucial to understand:

Offense is a trap. It is a trap that will handicap you and keep you from living up to our potential if you hold onto it.  Did you ever notice that an offended person lives with a huge sense of entitlement? Everyone owes him or her something. They are owed an apology or some other kind of recompense and they seem to be waiting around for it and so they get stuck. They spend too much time playing the victim and waiting for others to fix the offense rather than actually living their lives. 

It is a trap that will rob us of what God wants for us. The fruit of offense is hurt, anger, outrage, jealousy, resentment, strife, bitterness, hatred and envy. When we take offense into our hearts we open the door to those negative spirits.  We cannot serve well in ministry, love the people around us, and make a difference in our parishes if we hold onto offense and its fruit.

God has a different vision for us - God wants us to live a life of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. That is the fruit of living connected to God’s Holy Spirit. So when we find ourselves holding on to offense, we can follow the first words Jesus spoke in his public ministry: “Repent and believe in the good news.”  Mark 1:14-15 

When we allow offense into our hearts, we can choose to repent and believe in the Good News:

• Repent of harboring offense and believe the Good News that Christ died for us and has forgiven us so we can forgive others. 
• Repent and believe the Good News that God is for us even when others are against us.  
• Repent and believe the Good News that even though others don’t treat us as we deserve, God has treated us better than we deserve, not counting our real offenses against him against us but treating us with mercy and kindness. 
• Repent of our need for life to always be easy and getting offended when we its not and believe the Good News that God makes all things work together for our Good
• Repent of the offense we take when the world doesn’t revolve around us and believe the Good News that we get to live for God’s eternal purposes. 

When we live with offense we have made what has happened to us bigger than God. As we refocus on God’s goodness to us, the offense will melt away. Don’t allow the offenses that are sure to come in ministry to get in the way of what God’s wants to do through you. Change your focus from the offense to the Good News of God’s love.

If you are struggling with offense, I recommend the book The Bait of Satan. I read it at a time when holding onto offenses almost took me out of church work and I was close to quitting. The book helped me work through my offenses so that I did not fall for the trap of taking offense.

Rooting for you,
Tom