Don't Drink Feedback Unfiltered

None of us have "arrived" yet - as leaders or human beings. We are all works in progress; we have room to grow and improve. Objectively, we all know that, and yet we often struggle with feedback or even fear it.  That discomfort can keep us from getting the input we need or benefiting from it when we do.

To grow, we need to cultivate the right heart and attitude toward feedback. If we signal that we don’t want it, eventually we won’t get it. And when that happens, we miss out on growth as leaders and in the ways we contribute to the body of Christ—whether that’s speaking, writing, teaching, or something else entirely.

Here are three attitudes towards feedback that can help us cultivate the right heart:

1. Don’t drink feedback unfiltered.
Not all feedback is created equal. That’s why it’s so important to filter feedback through two lenses: the source and your goals.

The Source: Critics often exaggerate or misjudge, but even their feedback might hold a kernel of truth. Proverbs 12:15 reminds us, "The wise person listens to advice." Notice it doesn’t say the wise person takes every piece of advice. Listening is about reflecting, not reacting.

Your Goals: Just because someone offers feedback doesn’t mean you need to change course or make major adjustments. Instead, take it in, reflect on it, and prayerfully discern whether it aligns with your goals and calling.

2. See Feedback as a Gift
Author, psychologist and leadership coach Henry Cloud tells a story about a high-powered leader asking a younger one, "Can I offer you some feedback?" (by the way, when offering feedback, it is a good practice to ask permission) The younger leader replied, "Sure, give me a gift."

It costs people energy and effort to give feedback. It is a bit of a risk to share with others ways they can improve, and often people who have a good heart will be slow to give feedback because they don’t want to hurt your feelings or the relationship. The more we cultivate feedback as a gift someone gives to us, the more easily we will receive it and the more readily people will offer it to us.

3. Seek Feedback from the Wise
While I do believe we can grow from feedback from anyone, some people have more helpful feedback than others and can help us go further faster. For example, if you are going to grow in public speaking or teaching, feedback from an excellent speaker is going to be more helpful than someone who has never given a speech. If you’re working on raising funds for your parish, feedback from a successful fundraiser will go further than advice from your broke brother-in-law.

Solicit feedback from people who have wisdom that you don’t have. Proverbs 13:20 says, "Those who walk with the wise grow wise." Wisdom is worth pursuing, even when it comes with a cost. As Proverbs 23:23 reminds us, "Buy the truth and do not sell it—wisdom, instruction, and insight as well." Good feedback sometimes comes with a financial price, but if it’s the right professional insight, it’s worth it.

Feedback is an invitation to grow, not a directive to change everything. By filtering it wisely, welcoming it as a gift, and seeking it from those who’ve been where we want to go, we can keep becoming the leaders God is calling us to be.

Rooting for you,
Tom